Abby seems to be in one of her sassy, unhelpful phases…only minus the sass. I think she’s waaaay off on this one:
DEAR ABBY: What does it mean when a spouse refers only to himself when talking about things that involve the two of us as a couple? Example: We’re building a house, but he never says “we” when talking about it. He’ll say, “my house,” or “I’m not going to pay that much.”
When I mention this to him, he gets angry and says, “You know what I mean.” Well, I don’t because I always say “we” when referring to financial matters or anything else that pertains to both of us. Am I being petty? — TEAM PLAYER IN OHIO
DEAR TEAM PLAYER: Yes, if you take this personally. In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t worth picking a fight over. And if you’re smart, you will choose your battles.
How do you not take it “personally” when your partner doesn’t recognize your, um, partnership? If he never says “we” or “ours,” it suggests he doesn’t think in terms of “we” or “ours.” Furthermore, in this specific context, they seem to be disagreeing about how to manage their home and spend their money–that he makes declarative statements about what he will and won’t do excludes her from any role in the discussion. That isn’t really a discussion at all.
Sometimes little things say a lot…but I think Abby’s little response was totally insufficient.