A little bit louder no-ow

I like when smart people take a boring cliche (actions speak louder than words…blah di blah blah blah…zzzz) and remind us how it applies to our ACTUAL LIVES.

People who talk big and act little are no good for us, or the people we love. Period.

(This was part of the transcript of Carolyn’s weekly live chat, which is SO MUCH BETTER than a plain old advice column, because she addresses bajillions of issues and people get to respond as well. Not that Carolyn is not a person. But, you know.)


Recently I’ve been caught off guard by a few relationships that have dissolved that have really surprised me and other friends. How can you tell if your relationship is going to work out for the long haul? I know that you’re not a psychic and I’m not looking for a crystal ball answer. I’m just wondering if there are certain (and pretty consistent or predictable) signs that I can look for that might indicate one way or another.

Carolyn Hax: The only answer that doesn’t get into crystal-ball territory is to pay attention to actions. If you’re building hopes and impressions on what people say, then you’re likely to treat lukewarm actions as a “mixed message,” when in fact they’re a clear message. The actions are everything.

That’s true even when the actions aren’t lukewarm at all, but at a full boil. Too much too soon is just as suspect as someone who fawns over you only when s/he happens to want something from you, and disappears in between.


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